Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Bachelorette Recap: Emily's a Straight Shooter


Following the London fireworks that saw Kalon McMahon booted off the show a week ago, The Bachelorette and her eight remaining men hit Croatia tonight.

Which log-throwing, kilt-wearing competitor dominated the manly competition? Who won over Emily with persistence in the face of defeat and earned a rose?

Elsewhere, who surprisingly got the chop on tonight's one-on-one date(s), and what surprising bombshell was dropped in the previews for next week?

Follow this link for a rundown of The Bachelorette spoilers we know so far, including the (alleged) final three. Then read on for THG's official +/- recap!

Photo of Emily Maynard on The Bachelorette

Emily's having a good hair day. Plus 9.

No Ricki this week? :'-( Minus 18.

Annnnd the first one-on-one date goes to ... Travis the Egg Guy. A little anticlimactic for fans of Sean Lowe. Or Jef Holm. Or Arie Luyendyk, Jr. Minus 7.

Put Dubrovnik, Croatia on your travel bucket list BTW. Plus 14.

#BalancingStoneFail. Minus 4.

"This is a 10 on a scale of 8," he calls their date. Who says that? First of all, scale of eight? Second of all, why not an 11 or 12 out of eight then? Minus 2.

Emily is looking for a guy with a bit of an edge ... according to Ryan, who's apparently wearing a Lulu Lemon yoga halter-top wife-beater thing. Minus 30.

Travis' dinner seems to be going pretty well at least. Plus 6.

Ryan scores the next one-on-one date. His heart is beating out of his women's tank top, man. Prepare for the douchepocalypse, America. Plus 10.

Emily sends Travis home after not feeling any sort of romantic connection! Plus 5, 'cause we feel bad for the guy, but it was definitely the right call.

That umbrella Travis flung - like his heart and like his precious egg - may be broken beyond repair. Plus 5. And then there were seven ...

Sometimes a girl just wants to see a movie ... in the name of shameless product placement courtesy of ABC and Disney-Pixar's Brave. Minus 25.

Eye-rolling plugs aside, the movie does look pretty cute at least. Plus 7.

The guys in kilts and muscle shirts? Ditto! Plus 3.

Plus 12 for Emily's archery skills.

Minus 12 for Chris' effort ... at grammar, because we think he just said he's "shotten an arrow only once in his whole life." You're shotten me Chris.

Sean Lowe is so ripped, he broke the log in the competition. Plus 9.

Chris wins the Bravery Cup despite being humiliated in every event. He was a good sport and gave it his best ... can you tell Emily's a mom? Plus 11.

Arie Luyendyk Jr. PictureSean Lowe Picture

Emily and Sean FTW? Can we start calling them Seamily? Plus 5. Arie's "freaking out," but it doesn't appear he's relinquished co-frontrunner status.

Definitely not after that street makeout sesh. Plus 5.

Ryan has to be acting, right? There are a-holes in the world, sure ... but one can be that full of himself in such comedic fashion. He's like a caricature of your quintessential narcissistic ass clown. Well played Ryan and ABC. Plus 10.

Jef? Definite dark horse still. Plus 4.

He and Chris, who gets the rose, are angling for the final two hometown date spots at this point, with Arie and Sean the favorites. Doug and Ryan are fading fast (for very different reasons). Wolf ... is still on the show we think.

Emily Maynard really sparkles. Literally. Plus 6.

Ryan actually shaves that ugly patch out of his facial hair ... and apparently his legs. Arie is visibly uncomfortable listening to him talk at this point. Plus 2.

Not as uncomfortable as Emily eating an oyster, but close. Minus 11. Or when Ryan says openly that he wants her to be his trophy wife. Minus 21.

"I see in you some things I've always looked for." - Ryan. Read: booty shorts. Plus 7.

When Emily's not happy, she makes this this half-smile, half-glaring crinkle face. Case in point: Ryan reading off his ideal woman checklist. Minus 15.

Crinkle Face turns the checklist around on him, says her criteria are different, then gives him the boot! Plus 20 for Emily being on a roll tonight.

"That is very shocking." - Ryan. To you, maybe. No one else. Minus 18.

Ryan Bowers PhotoThe Bachelorette, Travis

No way she's going to go back on it, is she? Noooo, come on, don't go back on it! OMG she's going back on it. Okay phew, she didn't. Plus 17.

Ryan opines that the guys must be shocked and laments that he'll miss them. Back at the hotel, they are HUGGING and celebrating. Plus 33.

Did he just ask to be edited well by the producers? Might be wishful thinking, Ryan, after some of your comments, actions and "fashion." Minus 20.

Eff the next Bachelor, ... but please, ABC, add Ryan to the Bachelor Pad 3 cast! Plus 10.

If Ryan did get the rose, would the guys have staged an intervention, Kalon style? Would it have been warranted? Yes, yes and Plus 5 for that imagery.

Arie just wants to hold her and hug her and do a lot of other things he can't say in a confessional, oh, and she's a great judge of character. Plus 6.

He gets a rose. We get a bit too much makeout audio. Minus 4.

Arie and Emily in the Fifty Shades of Grey movie? Plus 50.

Wolf pulls out his grandparents' funeral cards and it's ... sweet? Poignant? Weird? Out of place? Over the top? All of the above? Eh, Plus 1.

Both Wolf and Doug are hangin' tough in the hunt for that last rose, though the latter seems reluctant to make a move on Em. Tick tock. Minus 7.

The man tears are moving down his face in a hurry, though. Plus 3. The final rose tonight comes down to the two of them, and then ...

Unsure of what do to, Emily runs to seek the sage advice of ... venerable and handsome Bachelorette host-pimp Chris Harrison!! Plus 100.

"Emily ... the extra rose you asked for." Chris. SO lame. Minus 40.

Saying goodbye tonight:

  • Travis (cut loose on one-on-one date)
  • Ryan (canned on one-on-one date)

Still alive: Sean, Jef, Arie, John "Wolf", Chris and Doug.

EPISODE TOTAL: +143. SEASON TOTAL: +142.

Weird preview for next week, in which Arie's relationship with a producer on the show is exposed and Emily makes her frustrations known!

What do you think? Will he be eliminated?

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